Some People Have Southern Accents
by let's point out the obvious
Summary: And those are hot. Kenny is a severe hottie.


South Park does not belong to me and neither does the Jerry Springer show. This is entirely my girlfriend's fault and I apologize in advance if it sucks or it offends anyone.

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Watching the Jerry Springer show was not something Kyle Broflovski frequently enjoyed doing. Under normal circumstances he refused to watch the show under the pretense that it was immoral, exploitative, and on way too fucking early in the morning for him to make the effort.

But when he found himself sitting up in bed at the ungodly hour of eleven AM with Kenny McCormick, a devoted Jerry Springer fan, by his side, he simply couldn't find it in him to change the channel.

Watching a pair of overweight men with ugly beards fistfight to prove their love for a moderately hot girl in a leopard print blouse, Kyle felt simultaneously quite good about himself, and kind of like a douchebag.

Watching rednecks make fools of themselves on national television always gave him the feeling that he was better than them, and he hated feeling like he was better than people. Just because he was better educated and had more money and didn't run around after trailer park tramps and-

He winced at the path his mind was already taking and squished himself back into his pillows, and into Kenny's side.

"Isn't this great?" the blonde laughed, "That guy of the left's getting his ass kicked."

Kyle rolled his eyes, still staring at the screen despite himself. He had to admit, watching people make train wrecks of their own relationships was kind of addicting.

On-screen the fighting was breaking up, and the girl in the leopard print blouse had stepped forward to proclaim her love to one of the men. Kyle thought it was _probably_ her husband.

'I love you more than anything in the world.' she deadpanned, sounding more like she was reading off a script than Kyle had ever heard anyone sound before.

'You are the man for me.' she drawled, expression blank.

Kyle and Kenny snickered together, but as they did a thought struck Kyle and his smile vanished.

The girl on TV sounded just like Kenny's mom.

Sure, Kenny's mother didn't sound like someone was feeding her lines, but the accent was a perfect match. It was kind of eerie, and suddenly Kyle felt even more uncomfortable watching the show. Especially with Kenny sitting right there next to him.

Jerry Springer appeared on camera to mock the featured couple in crisis and signaled that they were going to a commercial break. As the first commercial, an offer for free tickets to see the show live, started, Kenny gasped and whipped around to face Kyle, grinning ear to ear.

Oh fuck no.

Kyle was already rolling over to ignore him when he heard Kenny ask, in his most sickeningly sweet tone, "Kyle, baby…You wanna take me to see the Jerry Springer show?"

Kyle rolled his eyes at the pet name and barked a quick, "No."

Kenny's arms were soon wrapped around Kyle's torso, pulling him into an unwilling hug.

"Aw, c'mon…It'll be fun…."

The retort Kyle had been preparing died in his throat as his ears and his brain made a sudden connection and came together with a shocking revelation.

For a moment his mind flashed back to a moment in fifth grade, during an English class he and his friends had all been suffering through.

"Now Kenny, do you remember what happens to the little girl at the end of chapter four?" Their teacher had asked.

Kenny had given a muffled response and, after a quick reminder from the teacher that hoods were not supposed to be worn during class, tugged the hood of his parka down to repeat, "She fell down a well?"

Silence had fallen over the classroom then, as everyone came to the same realization. A moment later the room was filled with laughter.

"She fell down a _waaaayl_?" Cartman had mocked, causing the rest of the class to laugh even harder.

Kenny had retreated back into his hood then, despite their teachers protest, and refused to come back out until Stan and Kyle began mocking Cartman for his own accent.

Since then, Kenny's accent had largely been kept under control. Only a few words took on his mother's Southern twang, and over the years he'd learned to control his voice enough that it was hardly noticeable.

But now, after watching an hour of Jerry Springer, listening to a crowd of people who all spoke with the same familiar accent as his mother, Kenny's own accent had made its presence known once more.

"What?" Kyle couldn't help from asking as he rolled over to face Kenny.

The blonde gave him a puzzled look and repeated, "It'll be fun?"

Kyle only had a second to smirk up at him before Kenny's cheeks went red with embarrassment and he turned away to stare at the television again.

Well shoot.

Sighing, Kyle sat up and put an arm around his lover, "Ah, come on...don't be like that."

Kenny flipped him off.

"I wasn't making fun of you. Honest."

Kenny glared at him, one eyebrow raised questioningly.

"It's just…kind of cute the way your accent shows up sometimes. That's all."

Kenny leaned into him, anger evaporating quickly.

"You think it's cute?" he scoffed, "It's annoying as hell."

Kyle fought not to smile at the way an 'ay' sound somehow fought its way into the middle of the word 'hell.'

"I can't help it, y'know?" Kenny said with a shrug, "My family just kinda talks like that and- fuck, I'm doin' it again, aren't I?"

Kyle nodded in response, then bit back a grin as Kenny cursed again, the Southern twang becoming more prominent through his foul language.

"I mean, you don't sound like _your_ mom, do ya?"

Kyle briefly wondered if that should offend him but decided it didn't really matter. His mom _did_ have kind of a funny accent after all.

"I guess not." He answered, shrugging.

"No, ya don't." Kenny snapped, pouting. His accent was getting more and more out of hand by the second.

"You think I wanna sound like a redneck hick? I don't! I keep tryin' to get rid of it, but the damn thing just won't go away!"

Kyle reached up to ruffle Kenny's hair. Any concern the blonde had was unnecessary. He sounded fine, most of the time.

"You don't sound like a redneck hick." Kyle insisted.

Well, maybe a little. But he wasn't about to tell Kenny that.

The blonde was looking at him doubtfully as it was.

"It actually makes you sound kind of hot."

Kyle instantly wished to pull the words back into his mouth.

Where the hell had that even come from? Damn his subconscious with its perverted, Southern accent-liking thoughts.

There was a certain familiar light in Kenny's eyes as he turned to meet Kyle's gaze.

"Ya really think so?"

Kyle shrugged his shoulders and stammered out a jumble of incoherent phrases, unable to come up with anything to say that wouldn't either encourage teasing or hurt Kenny's feelings.

Kenny's grin was predatory.

" 'Cause if you really think so, I'm gonna have to start lettin' it slip a little more often."

Kyle could feel his face go hot as Kenny climbed up into his lap and began nuzzling against his cheek.

"I'll just add a lil' somethin' to get you all worked up, hm?" Kenny purred, "A lil' bit of that Southern sound?"

Kenny sat up enough to grab the remote from Kyle's desk and shut the television off, just as someone on the show began shouting about the father of their child being a bum.

"How's about we stop watchin' that…" Kenny sighed, leaning in close to nip at the skin below Kyle's ear, "And I get to work on makin' you squeal?"

Kyle made a mental note to start TiVoing the Jerry Springer show.

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Bonus points to anyone who recognizes my Title/Summary reference.


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